Just a rant
Do you know how it feels when you see your ex best friend boasted on socmed her conversation with her new best friend? at first i feel nothing, but lately, i don't know how to describe it. Its kinda hurt inside. We used to be best friend before. Things changed. That's expected in life. Nobody will stay longer with me. Everyone presence will slowly fade away until it completely vanished leaving nothing behind. Nope. It does leaves marks. The marks that we call memories. And the significant of the mark become greater if you keep a memento. Whenever you look at it, the sequence of memories will be playing inside your mind. It wont disappear as long as you keep it. Whatever people give me, no matter how small the value is, even just a piece of paper, i wont throw it away. I still keep a chocolate wrapper given to me on my birthday by someone. Well i forced him to. And yeah, even a pencil lead. I have crush on someone long time ago and i asked him the lead for me to keep. Damn, that's foolish. See, the memories are playing and i smiling unknowingly. A good therapy for a disheartened heart.
Disheartened? yes, the right word to describe my feeling right now. Why so sudden? i don't know. It comes naturally. Suddenly i remember the throbbing pain that i felt when i saw my ex best friend's story." This thing should not bother me. This is not me", i told myself. I educate myself to not feel sad over something that is unreasonable. I remind myself numerous times that people wont stay. They will go away far from your life when they think your existence is no longer relevant in their life. I always found myself as a temporary vessel. People find me amusing and interesting at first sight. Then decided to know me in depth, so they offer themselves to become my friend. When i open up a lil bit, when i started crawling step by step away from the shell, they found me not as interesting as they thought. So slowly they walk away. "she's weird" "she's too annoying" their inner voice echoing. This is not new. It has been this way since ages. I should not be surprised. But, how come i feel pain. I shouldn't feel anything. This is not the first time, and likely will not be last time.
But, how come i feel pain. Again i need an answer. This is just theory, deep inside my heart, i don't want anyone to go. I want them to stay. There are few people in my life that is not among my family, that i don't want to lose them no matter what. But what if they did? just think about it make me feel miserable. who am i to control it. If they want to go, they may go.I'll find a way to adapt. If i cant then i will force myself. Back to square one. No one stay. People come and go. I dont know whether this is a good metaphor, but i think my existence is like a pit stop in the middle of a long road. Hahahaha, what a weird one i have here. Last time i do have a little faith, someone that accept me as who i am is actually exist. But now, i dont know anymore. Early of the year, i accidentally found this interesting quote from twitter " In 2020, I dont want my favorite person turn into a stranger". I have a favorite person and indeed i dont want it suddenly become stranger as its going to be hella hurt. Might become severe than what i feel right now.
Life is so complicated isn't it? Nope. Life is beautiful, you made it complicated. Am i the only one at fault here? How about the other people. You decide whether you like them or not. Dont you think, the toxic one here is no other than yourself? (Dont mind me, im arguing with my inner self, but which one is the real me?)
Disheartened? yes, the right word to describe my feeling right now. Why so sudden? i don't know. It comes naturally. Suddenly i remember the throbbing pain that i felt when i saw my ex best friend's story." This thing should not bother me. This is not me", i told myself. I educate myself to not feel sad over something that is unreasonable. I remind myself numerous times that people wont stay. They will go away far from your life when they think your existence is no longer relevant in their life. I always found myself as a temporary vessel. People find me amusing and interesting at first sight. Then decided to know me in depth, so they offer themselves to become my friend. When i open up a lil bit, when i started crawling step by step away from the shell, they found me not as interesting as they thought. So slowly they walk away. "she's weird" "she's too annoying" their inner voice echoing. This is not new. It has been this way since ages. I should not be surprised. But, how come i feel pain. I shouldn't feel anything. This is not the first time, and likely will not be last time.
But, how come i feel pain. Again i need an answer. This is just theory, deep inside my heart, i don't want anyone to go. I want them to stay. There are few people in my life that is not among my family, that i don't want to lose them no matter what. But what if they did? just think about it make me feel miserable. who am i to control it. If they want to go, they may go.I'll find a way to adapt. If i cant then i will force myself. Back to square one. No one stay. People come and go. I dont know whether this is a good metaphor, but i think my existence is like a pit stop in the middle of a long road. Hahahaha, what a weird one i have here. Last time i do have a little faith, someone that accept me as who i am is actually exist. But now, i dont know anymore. Early of the year, i accidentally found this interesting quote from twitter " In 2020, I dont want my favorite person turn into a stranger". I have a favorite person and indeed i dont want it suddenly become stranger as its going to be hella hurt. Might become severe than what i feel right now.
Life is so complicated isn't it? Nope. Life is beautiful, you made it complicated. Am i the only one at fault here? How about the other people. You decide whether you like them or not. Dont you think, the toxic one here is no other than yourself? (Dont mind me, im arguing with my inner self, but which one is the real me?)
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